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Adam Rozak
Adam Rozak

119 Followers

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Published in

Slackjaw

·Pinned

Your Career Hinges On An Order From My Child’s Holiday Fundraiser

Clinch your promotion from the jaws of this nutcracker ($35.99). — Season’s Greetings! The holidays must be here, because I’m making my list of go-getters and checking it twice. So as you anticipate spending time with family by the fire, please remember that ordering from my child’s school fundraiser is the single biggest factor in promotions and raises. …

Humor

3 min read

Your Career Hinges On An Order From My Child’s Holiday Fundraiser
Your Career Hinges On An Order From My Child’s Holiday Fundraiser
Humor

3 min read


Published in

Slackjaw

·Jun 30, 2021

How I Retired At 25 By Being A Burden To My Family

Leech your way to financial freedom. — Old folks tell me I’m too young and capable to retire at 25, which is ageist. I earned my retirement through many excruciating hours of mental gymnastics. Now I’m both a financial genius and the poisonous thorn in the side of people who love me unconditionally. While most of my…

Humor

3 min read

How I Retired At 25 By Being A Burden To My Family
How I Retired At 25 By Being A Burden To My Family
Humor

3 min read


Feb 1, 2021

I Sold a 24k Gold Wii to GameStop for $4 in 2008, Why Are They in My Newsfeed Now?

An explanation of crowdsourced keyboard monkeys pillaging Wall Street. — I sold a 24k gold Wii to GameStop for $4 in 2008, why are they in my newsfeed now? GameStop’s stock has been the subject of a high-profile trading strategy led by r/WallStreetBets, a Reddit-based community of self-aware, vulgar nerds igniting their student loan money to see if it multiplies…

Humor

4 min read

I Sold a 24k Gold Wii to GameStop for $4 in 2008, Why Are They in My Newsfeed Now?
I Sold a 24k Gold Wii to GameStop for $4 in 2008, Why Are They in My Newsfeed Now?
Humor

4 min read


Published in

Slackjaw

·Dec 13, 2020

I’m Your Self-Control And FYI I’m On PTO Next Week

I’m going completely off the grid. In fact, consider me dead. — Hey big boss, it’s me, your Self Control. Just wanted to step in and let you know I’m going on a trip to Acapulco. I’ve been working major overtime these past few months, what with white-knuckling sanity and all. So I’m looking forward to a week of sunshine, pedicures, and…

Humor

3 min read

I’m Your Self-Control And FYI I’m On PTO Next Week
I’m Your Self-Control And FYI I’m On PTO Next Week
Humor

3 min read


Published in

The Haven

·Nov 26, 2020

After Election, New York Times Fact-Checkers Turn Elsewhere

No tweet, slogan or drunk text goes unchecked. — “The black mold — it’s rounding the corner. We’ve done an amazing job. Gone by December, they say. GONE.” — Maria S., Realtor This is false. At the time of this email, the kitchen’s deadly black mold was not “rounding the corner” but was developing sentience at record pace. Soon…

Humor

3 min read

After Election, New York Times Fact-Checkers Turn Elsewhere
After Election, New York Times Fact-Checkers Turn Elsewhere
Humor

3 min read


Published in

Slackjaw

·Sep 14, 2020

How 19 TV Show Characters Afford Their Lavish Lifestyles

Jim Hopper runs an Etsy shop for upcycled soap dishes made using knick-knacks from the upside-down. — Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls) In the show’s five unaired episodes, Lorelai cashes in on insurance fraud after committing the arson of the Dragonfly Inn. Dr. Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy) Doctors have high salaries. As other doctors die, Meredith accumulates their compensation and healing magicks.

Humor

2 min read

How 19 TV Show Characters Afford Their Lavish Lifestyles
How 19 TV Show Characters Afford Their Lavish Lifestyles
Humor

2 min read

Adam Rozak

Adam Rozak

119 Followers

Chicago-based writer and improviser daylighting as a technical product manager - He/Him

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