Old folks tell me I’m too young and capable to retire at 25, which is ageist. I earned my retirement through many excruciating hours of mental gymnastics. Now I’m both a financial genius and the poisonous thorn in the side of people who love me unconditionally.
While most of my…
I sold a 24k gold Wii to GameStop for $4 in 2008, why are they in my newsfeed now?
GameStop’s stock has been the subject of a high-profile trading strategy led by r/WallStreetBets, a Reddit-based community of self-aware, vulgar nerds igniting their student loan money to see if it multiplies…
Hey big boss, it’s me, your Self Control. Just wanted to step in and let you know I’m going on a trip to Acapulco. I’ve been working major overtime these past few months, what with white-knuckling sanity and all. So I’m looking forward to a week of sunshine, pedicures, and…
“The black mold — it’s rounding the corner. We’ve done an amazing job. Gone by December, they say. GONE.”
— Maria S., Realtor
This is false.
At the time of this email, the kitchen’s deadly black mold was not “rounding the corner” but was developing sentience at record pace. Soon…
In the show’s five unaired episodes, Lorelai cashes in on insurance fraud after committing the arson of the Dragonfly Inn.
Doctors have high salaries. As other doctors die, Meredith accumulates their compensation and healing magicks.
Soon after Mystery Inc.’s IPO, the gang retires with millions in stock options. They later…
